I had a lawyer. The hospital bills were getting worked on. Little Miss Runs Stop Signs was going to get her ass handed to her in court. I’d finally moved to my new place; just me and the kitties. I’ve been hanging out with new friends and hadn’t been bugged by that witch for a while.

Monday, lawyer emails me and tells me that the woman who caused the accident is judgment proof. In Texas, you can’t garnish wages, force her to sell a home, sell a car– NOTHING. After legal fees and paying the actual hospital itself, I won’t have enough to pay all the individual doctors. If things progress the way they have been, I’ll be about $7,000 in the hole. There’s no legal way to force her to take out a loan to pay for it. It’s my responsibility.

Well, $7,000 in the hole if the hospital accepts the $33,000 settlement for a $180,000 bill and I ONLY owe the individual doctors. My charity case is still going through the process of getting approved. That’ll take months, if not a year or two. The only reason it’s in “review” instead of “received” is because the mother of someone I know used to work there.

I made the mistake of going to her IHOP. I cried at her. She never even tried to say “sorry.” I left with a red face, accented with shiny trails of tears. I could feel her employees and patrons watching me as I left.

I’m crashing at a friend’s house tonight. I don’t want to be alone. If I am left alone, I’ll probably end up having several rum and cokes. That would be a bad thing.

At PT today, I told them that exactly five months ago, I was in surgery.
Five months ago today, at 8 am, I was laying in the street bleeding and just absolutely gushing blood.

In about 150 days, I went from horrifically injured to hiking.

I mean, FFS I went HIKING saturday. 2 miles or so over a total altitude difference of 400 feet.

At the appointment today, my therapist stuck me on the treadmill. I put the incline all the way up to a 20% grade. I power-walked at 2.5mph for 11 minutes for my warm up.

Then they had me skip and run. Then I showed off that I could tiptoe barefoot and hopscotch, including balancing on my right leg and reaching down to touch the ground and coming back up, as if I were picking up the rock I threw on the hopscotch chalk.
I ran up and down stairs at the same speed I did before the accident.

All the therapists and therapists assistants were watching me. I’d been going every week for 3 months, three times a week for 2 months of that. From how I’d improved my very first visit, dragging my leg in with a weak skin graft and in pain every day.

They all clapped as I skipped and ran. Everyone was shocked at how much I’d improved. My limp is barely noticeable now.

Some days now, I’ll wake up and it won’t hurt at all. I only remembered that my foot is mangled when I look down at it.

I’ve cried so much today. It’s been such an amazing day.

I’ve been meaning to finish a sewing project for a friend for like 2 weeks now. 

I hate my foot.

Well, my boss’s lawyer.

I feel so much more confident now. What the first firm did was legally barratry and a big no-no (felony!!) in Texas. I told them that they had 48 hours to send me back my file or I’d  contact the bar and district attorney. It’s been more than 48 hours. I’m making the phone call and sending the paperwork on Monday. Glee.

What if I’d never gotten injured and was still a musician?

What if I’d been able to stick with UH and Honors College?

What if I’d never gotten that scooter? What if I’d waited a few days to get it? 

What if I’d been running late that day, as per usual? Being on time is somewhat of an anomaly for me. Heh.

What if I’d run off to California a year and a half ago? I remember driving to Austin one time and wanting to just keep going west… 

I hate the what ifs. They’re tearing me apart, but I can’t stop thinking about them. I want to turn off my brain. 

Sometimes I forget what my foot looks like between dressing changes. I’m just kinda sore all day, I still have all my toes. Then I unwrap it to take a shower and I get punched in the face with what my foot actually looks like. And then I kinda want to die.

I decide to go to the ER at the hospital I originally was admitted as they have my records and everything. I tell the triage exactly what’s going on. They take my blood pressure (154/92), my temperature, and don’t even look at my foot. I sat in the waiting room for 3 hours and didn’t get seen. Near the end of that 3 hours, I started to have a panic attack and had to leave. On the way out, I passed through a hallway that I’d been wheeled through for a surgery and I started sobbing.

The waiting room for the ER was absolutely horrible. They had 5 televisions on two different stations, all turned up. Entire families of eight would come in and treat the waiting room like a free TV/air conditioning/Courtesy phone emporium with grocery store–vending machines. 

I went to the minor care across the street from my apartment. I waited for about 10 minutes and was seen within the hour. I got blood taken, X-Rays done and was on antibiotics about a half hour after that.  Turns out, I probably have  a bone infection. When I see my doctor on Friday and Monday, we’ll discuss it further. 

The radiologist at the minor care gave me a CD with my X-Rays!

Yesterday, I went to physical therapy for the first time. They sent me to the wrong damn building. The guy on the phone made it sound like it was a short jaunt from one building to the next and that I’d be able to walk it easily. Nope.

A half hour of walking–err, limping– in the near-100˚F heat, I finally get to the correct building. They didn’t have my prescription on file, so they can’t start treating me. All they can do is measure my range and strength. My left hand isn’t as bad as I’d thought, mostly because I’ve been doing some hand exercises at home already. My right foot, though… It’s gonna take a lot of work. I’m ready for it. I want to walk again. I want to run, jump, dance, bike and stand again! I have a vastly diminished range and very little strength in the right foot. 

Since I walked so much that afternoon to find my appointment, I woke up today in the most pain I’ve been in for weeks. I almost threw up on my way to work and I left after about 2 hours. I was a complete wreck. I came home and slept until 5pm. I can tell my body is angry with me. 

I’m thinking I will sell my road bike this weekend. I don’t want to do road bikes anymore. I can’t lean over as aero as one needs to be on a road bike. Even before the accident, it hurt my hands. Since I won’t be able to ride for a good while, I’ll sell it and get a nice little MTB or hybrid bike in the fall or spring. A more upright position and some thumb shifters! I want to get back on the bike so bad…